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Want to Tweak PC? PC Tweaks for Speed

"I love tweaking"

(c) My PC.

Why do I like to tweak PC? Because PC tweaks mean a faster PC, whether your PC tweak refers to a registry tweak or just a few tweaks to your Windows preferences.

In general, the easiest, safest way to tweak PC s is to use a registry editor for PC tweaks. A few clicks on registry editor software, and you’ll knock out monthly maintenance and tweak your PC for speed without having to directly tinker with your machine.

But what’s the fun in that, you ask?

Grab a beer, but don’t drown in it until you back up your registry. I’m going to tell a few quick ways to tweak PC s, my new friend.

Tweak Your PC for Speed with Virtual Memory

Your PC uses RAM, physical memory, while it’s running. When your RAM gets jammed - maybe you’re watching porn while cruising MySpace for that chick you made out with, while using Skype for prank calls - your PC swaps to Virtual Memory. Virtual memory is stored on a “Swap” file, which your system automatically makes smaller or bigger according to its needs.

You could buy more RAM - always recommended - and you can also change your Virtual memory settings to tweak your PC for speed.

Click Windows menu Start, then Settings, then Control Panel.

Open System, then Performance, then Virtual Memory.

Check Let me specify my own virtual memory settings.

Make sure you select the right drive, and now we’ll set the Minimum to something. What the Minimum should be set to is debated. Some people figure the Minimum should be your RAM x2, + 10% (e.g., 252 MB x 2 = 508 MB + 25.2 MB). I don’t like math very much, so I just say do 250 if you run a lot of porn on your PC. I mean games.

You’ll see Maximum setting next. It should already be set to the max available space on your PC. So like the ugly chick at the bar, just leave it alone.

You’ll see Disable virtual memory check box. Leave it blank.

Click OK (click “Yes,” you’re sure) and you’re done with your PC tweak.

Forget I typed that. That was gay.

Now it’s time to de-frag your PC to make it really fast.

Tweak Your PC for Speed and De-Frag Your PC

De-frag is another way to tweak PC without tweaking your registry. De-fragging - or de-fragmenting - your PC is a quick PC tweak that’ll clean up your hard drive. With all that porn you install and delete on your PC, your hard drive is constantly rewritten and erased. And when you write large files onto your hard drive, sometimes your PC will put little pieces of the file into spaces left by smaller files you’ve erased over time. As you might imagine, over time your hard drive gets messier than the trunk of your girlfriend’s car. De-fragmentization of your hard drive will put all the pieces of your programs - all the fragments, get it? - together again, which will speed up your PC.

Before you de-frag your PC, shut down all your programs. (That means you want to print out these instructions, finish with your porn, and close your browser.)

Click open Start menu, then Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disk Defragmenter.
If you’re on Windows 98, I’d like you to realize that was about 10 years ago. But before you reflect on that, if you’re using Windows 98 you’ll see an option under Settings to Rearrange program files so my programs start faster. Check that box if you run office/business software. But if you run a ton of games, skip it. Checking that option will rearrange your games’ files and slow down their loading.

Tah freaking dah. Your PC tweak is done.

Want more PC tweaks?

Meanwhile, try not to spill yours on your keyboard, and check other ways to tweak PC s for speed below.